Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
