Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
