No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
