I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i love accidental penises.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
