epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
