"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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