i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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