I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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