yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
