Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
