Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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