i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
