Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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