...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
