he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
