you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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