I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Randomize
