Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
