The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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