And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
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