Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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