if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
