walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
