I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
