She is in my trunk
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
