apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
