so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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