The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize