we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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