I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
