I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
