I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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