The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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