btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
