I'm jealous of your bromance
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
