turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
