someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
