Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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