No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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