his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
