My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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