ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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