I didn't shave. On purpose
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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