She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
