so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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