I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
