when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
