i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
