Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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