remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
