They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
