So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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