Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
