maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
