maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
