im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
