I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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