turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
