I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
