the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I touched a dick in church today
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
