So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So much Jack, so little girl.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize