What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
