We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
