Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
