then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize