i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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