is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Randomize
