I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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