Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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