my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
