I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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