Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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