glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I AM VODKA MAN
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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