i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize