Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize