four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
