College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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